Boost children's self-esteem, curb 'gimme' attitude
Julie Deardorff
Chicago Tribune
December 23, 2007
Last month, my 3-year-old lost it in a toy store
because I didn't buy Max and Monty, an overpriced pair
of dump trucks from the Thomas the Tank Engine series.
"Sweetie, you don't need Max and Monty," I tried. "You
have lots of Thomas trains."
When he threw himself on the floor and began screaming,
"But I want it! I want it!" I began to worry. Yes, it
was fairly typical -- albeit ugly -- behavior for a U.S.
preschooler, but was I also witnessing an ominous sign
of things to come?
Social scientists -- and plenty of parents -- have
labeled the nation's tweens and teens "the most
brand-oriented and materialistic generation in history."
Parents who hope to teach their children how to live
simply have tried turning off the TV or muting the ads.
They've joined groups such as Commercial Alert,
Commercial-Free Childhood or Center for a New American
Dream that advocate reducing U.S. commercialization. And
they've modeled the behavior they want to see.
But since it's impossible to shield a child from their
everyday environment and the influence of friends and
peers, researchers who study materialism are now
suggesting an additional antidote: work on raising your
child's self-worth and sense of accomplishment.
Low self-esteem can create materialistic tendencies in
children, according to Lan Nguyen Chaplin, an assistant
marketing professor at the University of Illinois at
Urbana-Champaign, who co-authored a new study that
looked at how materialism develops in youngsters.
Chaplin and her colleague found that between the ages of
8 to 13, a child's level of self-esteem drops, in part
because of physical changes. The self-conscious tweens
turn to material goods to make themselves feel better.
Then, surprisingly, as self-esteem rebounds by the end
of high school, roughly between the ages of 16 and 18,
the need for consumer goods goes down, according to the
work published in this month's Journal of Consumer
Research.
If a child has a stronger sense of self during these
down-swings, the researchers believe, they're less
likely to see material goods as the key to happiness and
popularity.
"It's the strongest evidence to date that self-esteem is
actually a cause of materialism; all past evidence has
been correlational and thus has left open the
possibility that materialism causes low self-esteem, or
there's some third variable," said Knox College
psychology professor Tim Kasser, who has studied
materialism and values for 20 years but was not involved
in Chaplin's study. What's important, he said is that
their finding "opens the possibility of future
interventions designed to focus on low self-esteem
children and help them resist the problematic influences
of consumer culture."
Experts say to raise a child's self-esteem, key in on an
interest -- drawing, music, sports, fantasy play,
debating -- interact with him and give him positive,
supportive messages. But don't overdo it, either. "Don't
drown him in praise, and make sure your words are
genuine and honest," said Stanley Greenspan, a clinical
professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at George
Washington University Medical School and author of
"Great Kids" (De Capo, $22.95).
"It should not be empty praise," he added. "And you
don't have to say a word. It can be the smile on your
face, the gleam in your eyes."
Focusing on family activities rather than material
things can also help, said Beth Casarjian, a mother of
three and co-author of "Mommy Mantras"(Broadway,
$16.95). "Kids will remember the time you made a snowman
for them a lot longer than the plastic toy that gets
broken or lost shortly after it's opened," she said.
Also, give your child the opportunity to serve others in
need. "Younger children can choose or wrap a gift for a
child while adolescents might help in a food pantry,"
Casarjian said. "Focusing on those with less gives a
sense of perspective that can become part of a larger
family dialogue of gratitude. Most important, helping
others contributes to a child's genuine sense of
well-being and self-worth."
Though preschoolers won't appreciate this, it might also
help to remember Kasser's 2002 study in the Journal of
Happiness Studies that discovered what really makes for
a "Merry Christmas." He found that family and religion
were the two factors most closely tied to holiday
happiness.
What caused the most dissatisfaction? Spending money and
receiving gifts.